Torrey
Orton
November
15, 2014
Polymaths aside, most of
us are gifted in some sense. That is, we have strong preferences for different life
activities. These may range from a gift for being active, for taking action, to
a gift for music or numbers, or…on it goes. Take a list of human needs and you
can populate a map of potential gifts. These gifts are the source(s) of our
vocational interests and preferences, or the matters of style which couch the
interests in optimum performance settings. They seem to be congenital effects
with a positive spin, if they can be expressed and developed. On good days we
are thankful that others have the gifts we don’t so we don’t have to spend much
time doing unattractive things like programming applications, taking care of
the wayward, milking cows….what I call the natural division of labour.
A gift makes itself known
to us by imposing itself on us, and, through our submission to its compulsion,
on others who may be the first to notice it. What we do is what we do and
therefore not necessarily a subject of reflective observation until its impinging
on others draws their attention to our behaviour. Kids often have this
experience of validation by others early in schooling or the reverse: its
denial of validation by their parents or teachers. They may object that certain
gifts are not socially or economically viable - “don‘t let anyone see you doing
that; they’ll think you’re crazy” or “you’ll never make a living painting, lad!”
A gift of any sort has a
number of characteristics. \
·
One, it is self-validating because
it arises undoubtedly from within individuals. I hear a gift’s presence in
patient remarks like: “Oh, I’ve always wanted to write. I was putting stories
together before I learned to write.” Or, “I started drawing before I could
write…I just doodled my way through primary school, and continue to this day.”
(holding up a sketch of me on their notepad)
·
Two, it is self-sustaining because
it is its own energy source, drawing on the total available to a person and
siphoning it off into the focal length of the target domain.
·
Three, it is intrinsically motivating.
·
Fourth, the shaped energy of our gift
feels to others sometimes like a command to make way for us, even though
it may not be our intention at all. Gifted actions tend to have clarity of
direction, form and content – that is, they focus on definite materials, in an
observable manner towards some kind of objective or vision.
·
Fifth, gifted action tends to produce the
all-embracing conscious experience called “flow” – a state at times like
presence or mindfulness in action.
·
Sixth, gifted action feels creative
in some sense and it may actually produce something; it tends to build
or construct.
·
And, seventh, the activity of the gifted
feels unique; it is what makes us unique in our eyes (and sometimes
those of others!).
In therapy for complex
trauma the presence of workable gifts is an essential, though not sufficient,
condition for something better than mere survival. What a gift does is help a
partially whole person, what’s called “high functioning” in our trade, to
emerge from the dreck of abuses, ambling alongside the abuse in the self-affirming
developmental steps intrinsic to the gift. Some of these may translate into
socio-economic successes which fully obscure the injuries of trauma to others
(who want us to be normal so they don’t have to put themselves out to engage
our uniqueness).
But the agents of these
successes often don’t consciously take them for what they are: confirmations of
their worth. So, part of therapy is to help patients establish their objective
realities, to point out the unintended evidence of their own performance
self-reports occurring or implied naturally in therapy. This can take great
therapeutic persistence because the defence against recognising their successes
is a central dynamic of protection from further harm – the harm of
disappointment again that they have not done well enough, not been perfect…!!!
