Learning to act right (50)… Better not look down…

Torrey Orton

April 17, 2015

 

…says BB King in the song: “You better not look down if you want to keep on flying…put the hammer down, it’s full speed ahead”. Here’s the whole thing:

 

I've been around and I've seen some things
People moving faster than the speed of sound
Faster than the speeding bullet
People living like Superman
All day and all night
And I won't say if it's wrong or if it's right
I'm pretty fast myself
But I do have some advice to pass along
Along in the chorus of this song

Better not look down, if you want to keep on flying
Put the hammer down, keep it full speed ahead
Better not look back, or you might just wind up crying
You can keep it moving, if you don't look down

…

http://www.oldielyrics.com/lyrics/b_b_king/better_not_look_down.html

 

… Which came to mind as I was reflecting on my inability to give validity to those in developmental stages different from mine, people who, unlike BB, I want to tell are wrong. Or more saliently, I want to prevent them from doing wrong to others in the name of their right. In many instances it doesn’t matter. My irritation passes like the discomfort - not a lot!! - of a cool breeze on a warm night. However, when confronted with repeatedly immovable objects like the anti-abortionists at the Fertility Control Clinic, and the shameless fools pretending to govern us, my irritation is never far off rage.

 

My model for correct behaviour in these circumstances is Ken Wilber’s recommendation in his A Theory of Everything (Shambala, 2000) that “Everybody is right. More specifically, everybody - including me – has some important pieces of truth, and all those pieces need to be honoured…” The implications of this are massive for everyone and lead me to the view that  those more advanced, educated, gifted, successful and powerful have an obligation to honour the truths of those less well-endowed in any of those frames.

 

In my mind’s internal dialogue on matters of ethics at the Fertility Control Clinic, I can formulate relatively easily an appreciation of the position which the catholic anti-abortionist fraternity hold. It is roughly this: all human life is infinitely valuable and so deserves de facto whatever help we can offer it to exist and persist. I first encountered this view in the mouth of a long-term friend devoted to social justice 50+ years ago. He was certainly not Catholic and scarcely religious.

 

At the time it held no practical implications for me, though the mantra stuck, having acquired in the interim some passengers/accomplices like the therapeutic notion of unconditional positive regard and its everyday behavioural limbs like respectful disagreement, not playing the man and such appreciative tactics. He still holds it close to himself to this day. I have moments of doubt. The clinic prompts them.

 

What makes my self-imposed obligation a trial is that any of us, at whatever developmental stage we are in, are circumscribed by that fact in two respects: one, that’s as far as we’ve gotten in whatever developmental sequence we are in and so that’s as far as we can see; and, two, we need to feel that it is the truth in a sense sufficient to stand the winds of rejection from those we’ve left behind and the zephyrs of enticement from those above or in the neighbouring paddock suggesting we really haven’t gotten there yet (where they are of course in their respective certainties). Both breezes suck out energy and, so, enflame the defences of the self – the inward looking self-regard of the uncertain.

 

I could approach these anti-abortion folks with an attempt to establish my credentials of empathy by noticing they are in the field of preserving life which is under attack in many ways. These attacks come most unavoidably into play at the boundaries of life – birth and death. Hence, the armies of night and light arrayed around the entries to those two boundary states – anti-abortionists/pro-choicers and the natural deathers / euthanasiasts. Also at play in the fields crossing these boundaries are the life scientists and artificial intelligencers. The effects are disruption of boundaries, a process which once developed enough leads to degeneration of being, as childhood abuse does so clearly, whence flow the twin streams of suicide and homicide – both expressions of hopeless/helpless rage.

 

So, now to the boundary: when is an abortion a better choice than full term delivery? When the conditions into which birth will be made are so perilous as to ensure that the early steps in life and many thereafter (most of childhood) will be plagued with life-destroying potential on the best science of abuse outcomes. These conditions are both natural (birth defects, etc.) and institutional (families, schools, churches…) and we know enough about minimally supportive institutional conditions to know that they fail at rates better than chance conditions (from an ethical viewpoint – namely that no failure of intentional behaviour is good enough for a good enough life). Who is to decide when the conditions are adequate is a fine task from which we can exclude the agents and apologists of the various key institutions until they can guarantee that their respective institutions will not blight the lives of their participants. That is, in the case of child rearing, the prospective parents, and where the parental relationship is dubious, the prospective mothers should be able to decide. Our law now provides this should.

 

There is a similar argument for euthanasia, and against it.

 

The Hogpi’s trade on the life is any level of living fallacy in their street arguments and their theoretical ones, too. Namely that a vital embryo is a viable one and so a life - which it ain’t until 20+ weeks - and they don’t work thru the argument that viability on both ends of the life spectrum is massively distorted by science, whose benefits are inequitably distributed, which they’d acknowledge if they thought about it in this context, but don’t…

 

In the background lies the great paradox: that prospective parents can with a little attention mostly prevent unwanted children from being conceived, yet they often do not take that care. Otherwise a major proportion of those seeking abortion would never need to present. But then, the same adults drive while intoxicated and party when drunk and their demises are noted with the language of world changing human drama – tragedy, amazing, loving…. – which they certainly aren’t. All artefacts of banality?

 

“…What I am saying is that when one form of being is more congruent with the realities of existence, then it is the better form of living for those realities. And what I am saying is that when one form of existence ceases to be functional for the realities of existence then some other form, either higher or lower in the hierarchy, is the better form of living….” Dr Clare W. Graves

http://www.clarewgraves.com/theory_content/quotes.html

 

We are in times when many realities are in disarray and so the claim that any level of development is more appropriate than another is hard to sustain, but the desire to feel comfortable in my current stage is strong enough to maintain my rage. Maybe I’m just not accepting myself.

 

If only I could just “not look down”!!

Learning to act right (12)… Choosing to end a marriage

Learning to act right (12)… Choosing to end a marriage
Torrey Orton
July 14, 2010


Here's another tale of growth occurring, as it often does, on the back of division and depression. This one emerges from an explicit conflict between two publically accepted versions of right behaviour in the mind and heart of a friend charged with modelling right behaviour for others. David presents this conflict in clear and unflinching terms. More importantly, he's unblinking in assessing his own struggle to do the right thing. Like many such struggles, his tale bears tinges of the unresolved or the uncompleted aspects of the conflict. Doing it can never be fully over it, perhaps.

Choosing to end a marriage

In the late 70s I found myself struggling to deal with my marriage which was at a terminal stage. The major struggle involved dealing with two ethical considerations which were in conflict.


I was a Baptist minister working as an independent Christian education consultant, which meant that I was not engaged in pastoral care of a congregation but I was a member of a local church where I and my family worshiped.


I was part of a tradition and culture that expected any minister to set an example to others of upright Christian living and this was reinforced by my mother, a very strict, conservative practicing Christian. This meant that a minister's marriage had to be sound and above reproach – or at least to appear to be so no matter what the reality might be. This expectation weighed heavily on me to such an extent that I took far too long to acknowledge that the marriage was anything but sound.


While working with a church in the USA (in the early 70s) I was exposed to a different tradition and culture, one that took a different view of what it meant to be an example. This culture perceived that the important thing about setting an example was to be open and honest about personal failings and about the struggle to live up to the expectations of what 'being a Christian' meant. I was attracted by this perspective yet I did not find it easy to take on board as part of my ethical framework.


When the marriage eventually got to the point of crumbling I found these two ethical considerations were creating an internal dilemma as I faced the question of what action I was going to take.


I found myself having to make a choice about whether to leave the marriage or not. When I reached a point where I felt that a decision had to be made I struggled to find the willpower (courage?) to actually do it and looked for help from external sources. The following extract from my journal at the time describes the experience:

An advert in the Saturday paper for a furnished country cottage caught my attention but did not produce any action. Sunday morning's sermon not only had a strong note of "Be strong and trust me to meet all your needs" but was illustrated by a story of a woman who separated from her husband by taking a country cottage!!! My response was not to do anything till Monday, taking the risk that it would still be available. Before phoning I had a time of prayer and Bible reading from Psalm 144 "You......rescue your servant David. He is my protector and defender, my shelter and saviour, in whom I trust for safety." With this reassurance I rang the landlady, arranged to view the cottage and then took up the rental.

Although that helped me to finally make the choice to leave the marriage it did not create a situation of subsequent clarity. My journal reflects an ongoing struggle for almost a year before I was finally content that I had made the right choice and was able to adjust to a new way of life.


Looking back some 30 years later I can still recall the pain of the struggle to resolve the ethical considerations described above and am fascinated that I could not earlier find the strength within myself to implement the choice I eventually made. Perhaps this is an indication of the deep-seated indoctrination that occurs within the conservative Christian tradition and the consequent struggle that is experienced by anyone wanting to find freedom from it.


David J Scott - 280610