Sunday, August 31, 2014


What’s normal now (3)…The men question

Torrey Orton

August 31, 2014

NB – This is 9 months old and unfinished, but posting it may spur me to developing it further. AT the moment it is an incomplete effort to specify the domains of experience which have to be taken into account in addressing a question like the one below.

 

What’s wrong with men?

 

“We’re redundant” is what I thought in the night as this question rolled around for the nth time. And on seeing the morning papers I had my sense confirmed by Camille Paglia’s reported fear that the West has lost manliness in its engagement with late modernity (THE AUSTRALIAN 01012014). Undoubtedly I’m overreacting to my sense of the state of men, but the depth pushes some warning buttons.

 

If you’ve ever been unexpectedly made redundant you know the experience makes the word have a terrorising power, diminished only by overuse. Its cognates ‘in excess of needs’, ‘position deleted in restructure’ and ‘superfluous’ often mask a “constructive dismissal” more sharply capture the intent – to designate a thing which has lost its meaningfulness in its context, a disposable, a discardable, refuse, trash. This is violence, by the way. The experience is only not experienced as an assault on the self if you discovered in the moment that you really always wanted to get out of the place and they’ll pay you to go!

 

Violence

When I first started working on this article a month ago I took to my shelves and found 23 books with ‘violence’ in their titles, not including William T. Vollman’s eight volume suite Rising Up and Rising Down (2003). The word feels male, though not only men violate. We just do physical violence in undeniably larger proportions compared to women. And we all respond to death threats with more alarm than to the multi-faceted violations of social, financial, and stereotyped soul murders which proceed often in deniable bite by bite, day in and day out.

 

A violence footnote. Human violence is a continuous dimension within which physical violences are but one class and only about 20% of the reported violations the rest of which are normally grouped under headings like social, financial, etc. The latter are tools of manipulation mastered by bullies and supported by the fearful around them. The soul murder effect is that all violences are attacks on the self which shrink the self, making it feel the author of its own ills. Not surprisingly we feel the imminence of death with greater apprehension than the slow burn of disrespect, so our virtual experience (mediated by news systems) is surrounded with reminders of that end of the violence spectrum. It sells to our already cued apprehensions.

 

Offending without intent

So there arises, over and over again, the wonder: What’s wrong with us men? I should have had a viewer warning classification before that sentence, knowing that it will offend some part of the population which identifies as male, as if 90 to 10 (even though only percentiles) were not a winning score in anyone’s games. Following on, all men are men and different, as are members of all classes of organic, sexually reproduced beings, and all classes of anything (not sure about all electrons, though!)…including the word ‘all’ of course.

 

Here’s another such warning. My aim is to create enough of a picture of the male place within the human world one to provide some perspective on the question ‘What’s wrong with men?’ I claim no special knowledge about us (men) and my perspective is undoubtedly shaped by its origin. Not my choice; just my fate. I always wonder about being human, and am limited by my masculinity. I manage to do alright with both male and female patients about being human, so that limitation is not incapacitating so far.

 

And a final limit: I’m mainly talking about the industrial or ‘advanced’ or first world states in what follows. Shortage of material culture may increase the rate of violence by nature, but not by inclination or spiritual deprivation. In fact there’s some evidence that people with little or less material can be quite “happy” as long as their material state is not seen as a personal failing (as it is in our culture) and the gap between them and enough is not stratospheric (as it also is in ours).

 

The biopsychosocio(economic)spiritual(cultural) health model

Let’s start with a relatively accepted version of what it means to be human – the five categories of well-being common to the health fraternity (not that we don’t squabble usefully about the contents and configuration of well-being). These five categories are not mutually exclusive, nor are they intrinsically male, though I’ll focus on their predictive impact for men.

 

Bio

Men and women differ in lots that has to do with the child making and upbringing systems in all cultures, but neither can suffice alone to sustain the systems (unless we move to a totally artificially inseminated system in which case we can reduce men to the proportions held artificially by bulls and stallions in domestic herds; apprehensions about early adopters hit the local newspapers recently. (THEAGE   mother-of-all-questions-do-we-need-men-at-all 20131211).

 

We do not differ in intrinsic brain capacities, though neuroscientists of various hues persist in trying to make a difference by promoting gender differences as science of the brain. This has a long history of great profitability in the Men are from…Women are from… genre. We’re all from earth and all trying to be whole, but evolution (or God if you prefer) fitted us up for conflict by dividing reproduction in two. After classifying us for biological purposes as featherless bi-peds, Plato suggested 2300 years ago that humans were endlessly in search of their other halves.

 

Psycho…

Forming an identity is an early life demand and sustaining it over time among the ebb and flow of life a persistent challenge. Identity pollution affects as all differentially through the excess of options, denigrations and/or degenerations postmodernity subjects us to. Uncertainty is the shared theme of our times. There are a number of sources of identity: gender/sex, race, ethnicity, and religion are given and permanently so. Others are given, but changeable – skills, competences, interests, temperament, age, etc. And there are the settings for realising ourselves – various attachments and affiliations with varying degrees of choice in their composition.

 

Persistent stress of a high order tends to regress individuals, groups and cultures. The violent men who are the notional topic of this discussion will be shown to be regressed by a variety of systemic pressures. For examples of groups, have a look at sport and religious groups which do battle with competing groups at levels of violence they would deny they are doing. For cultures which are regressed try those with democratic processes where the systems are binding up – here, the US, UK - and undemocratic ones (China, Russia…) which are becoming visibly and consciously nationalist and social phobic.

 

Socio(economic)…

There are reasons to think our socio-economic universe is seriously compromised in ways which stress pretty much everyone including the incredibly, piggishly wealthy who seem afraid someone’s going to take their excesses away. More stressed of course are the bottom 20% of our societies who are getting somewhere close to survival income or none at all but variations on the dole (a combination of the unemployed, the under-employed and the quit looking and so not reported in the  government unemployment stats used to demonstrate comparative rates of progress with the issue).

 

Then there’s three systemic defects among our systems: the most outstanding of which at the moment is the unwillingness of companies to share with the employed the profits they are creating while the economy stays flat for them; and nearby is the persistent stress on productivity which seems to mean reducing worker input to outputs and reducing expenditure on worker conditions; and finally there’s the persistent expectation that a redundancy cannot be far away. In fact we should keep our portfolios packed. These effects are felt across all strata in the employ of others. Small business is its own burden.

 

Cultural …

The patterns and meanings of hierarchy are usually male, with female sideline participation (except notably, Germany, Denmark, Brazil and Oz briefly, of late). Within social/biological groupings there are the have mores and have lesses, mediated by the placement of other groups outside the structure determined by privileged attributes (gender, race, etc.). These provide someone else to disrespect with certainty. The Others give the low power dominant group members an out for their weakness within the group…often expressed with rage not expressible at their own group’s dominant members (note Oz mateship’s decline). See the US for the loudest demonstrations of this process in open view. Note Putin’s retro cultural moves of adding homophobia to Russia’s chronic xenophobia, for a non-democratic example.

 

The incidence of bullying at all levels across all kinds of enterprise and activity can be understood as just a side-effect of the power struggle in the traditional hierarchies. Not surprisingly, they are extremely resistant to change since every position holder in a hierarchy is a participant in the system of dominance (which maybe is also unavoidable in many circumstances).

 

Spiritual …

It would be hard to come away from a review of the major religions without an impression that worldly and otherworldly religious leadership is male. Some espouse this with blind certainty – the centres of the big two monotheisms and the fringes of Judaism. Fringes seem to be especially male.

 

What’s wronged in men?

We know from James Gilligan’s theory in Preventing Violence (1999) that anger aggressively expressed is sourced from the material, psychological and spiritual deprivations of endemic poverty with no perceived or actual hope of exit for the deprived. But this alone is not enough. For violence is not only perpetrated by men who are in the grip of poverty. “…the real cause of violence…is overwhelming and otherwise inescapable and ineradicable shame.” …. “almost any experience that can leave a man feeling ashamed does so by leaving him feeling that he is something less than a man.” Have you been dissed lately, or worse inadvertently dissed someone else?

 

 Dissed …

What are the effects of dissing by others, or by life? Diminution of manhood. And that’s what? Impugned ability to procreate; impugned ability to provide; impugned ability to defend / protect one’s family; and, impugned ability to work well (that’s vocation, or doing socially valued work, of course). This fate may be that of the 20%.

 

How, then, can those in objective power (our politicians and their social/intellectual acolytes) also not feel powerful? Rather, they may feel dissed by the world they’ve aspired to rule and been granted the opportunity to have a go. Try this: they cannot control a bunch of peoples who they do not understand and never had to before – Chinese, Indians, and Indonesian; they cannot be saved from these peoples by The USA, which is having its own taste of dissing by low power others; and our Economy is in disarray as mining falters and farming flourishes into the hands of others…and on it goes. 

 

Dissing others

So they give themselves vigorously to dissing the powerless or low powerful – legal asylum seekers, LGBT couples, the unemployed - and label any question of misdistribution of social product as “envy politics” and “class warfare” even where the distribution gap is egregious by anyone’s count of the published numbers. Again, why the anger if they have the power? The rich certainly have the numbers, so one can only imagine they are ashamed, too. (For an articulate and privileged view of our emerging diss culture see Tim Winton’s “The C Word” in The Monthly Dec. 2013).

 

Maybe that’s why there are so many angry men on the front bench – Scott Morrison, Corey Bernardi, Eric Abetz, Tony Abbott, George Brandis, Christopher Pyne (a longhaired Chihuahua – large bark, little bite and aware of it, who’s in danger of becoming a throw rug due to uncontrollable mouthing the ankles of his master’s clients), Andrew Robb …all in power and wielding it angrily, as if their power is in doubt and they are offended by the fact. They, too, seem to feel diminished, to actually be powerless when they are at their most powerful.

 

Or, for another example, what do you make of Scott Morrison’s resistance, smirking mixed with teeth showing, to questioning by Leigh Sales on 7:30 Report, as if to be questioned puts him in the face of an unveiling – his own. The theme of information restriction which has dominated government approaches to the public stems perhaps from the same fear - that of being revealed.

 

Let’s be clear, as the record of exclusions from federal parliament make it, that the other guys are no better. Albanese is second fiddle to Pyne’s first for being tossed out for outrageousness…all in the name of holding on to their turf. So you can do the same dog tagging exercise for them to be fair. And both parties have, with for all purposes equal intensity, vilified the weak (asylum seekers) to deprive them of their legal legitimacy and denied the different (LGBT). 

 

Redundancy’s revenge?

In between the criminal end of violence (the males who make up the newsfeeds of daily publications) and the public darlings above are the middling mass of men who sport the embellishments of anger and aggression, most obviously the prematurely bald head and, in a lower but not scarce number, the buff body which exceeds the needs of the normal office suit. Add on the prevalence of permanent body painting and a message of deep superficial confusion about the self emerges, now both his and hers.

 

These are often carried in vehicles of military mien ranging from the Subaru XV and a host of rough lookalikes both 2 and 4WD with a “T” on the power pack signage over the dual to quad exhausts to the Hummers which need no description – the ultimate sign of power is a standalone name. This design – a scrunched down butt sticking up at vehicles following pulled by a bared teeth grill – seems pretty international and price independent.

 

Bauman’s liquid fear

In Liquid Fear (2006) Bauman talks about “derivative fear” as “a steady frame of mind that is best described as the sentiment of being susceptible to danger; a feeling of insecurity…and vulnerability…” It is created and sustained by experience threatening our core functionalities in environments like:

 (1) free ranging consumerism, (2) invasive technologies, (3) mutually contradictory “evidence-based” discoveries, (4) productivity-driven organisational reconfigurations and (5) spontaneously intruding natural disasters (volcanic, seismological, hydrological, meteorological and so on) visit upon us from near (try headlines in papers and news programs for excitability quotient levels) and far (if there’s no disasters near then they’re imported from afar, especially those similar enough to us to be considered almost seamlessly us – to incite sympathetic feelings, comforting us with the manageability yet pathetic nature of our afflictions compared to the inconceivable ones of other places where the scales of disasters are often inhumanly large for us as in Indonesia, Philippines, Japan: ah, those uncontrollably different others, again, too).

 

At this point fear embraces most of us, gathering us up in the folds of the neoliberal mantra – profit is primary and all to the shareholders and damn the world. Maybe the various rages (road, shopping, neighbourly….) are lead indicators of this underlying despair?? They’ve actually been around for a decade or two. And the binges – eating, drugging – are ways of covering hurts, too.

 

I know this is not everyone’s experience, but even some of those for whom these are the most personally exciting of times can acknowledge it ain’t necessarily so for many others. And in this country the story’s about to get worse, so everyone’s telling us (suddenly it seems, but not). Perhaps the American diseases are for us, too:

 

“…Profit, not equal rights or freedom of religion or any of the other high-minded principles we seize to bolster our selective outrage, is the real coin of the realm. And, as if you didn’t know, it quacks like a duck.”

Kathleen Parker, Washington Post 251213 discussing the latest American culture war storm, Duck Dynasty.

 

Redundant, my tail feathers!

 

 

Wednesday, August 27, 2014


SINACCORD                                                                            
 
August 27, 2014
 Williams College Class of ‘65 Bio for Torrey Orton

 
I am leading a life I have mostly chosen, missing some things on the way that being less devoted to choosing would have given me. Much of it has been composed of things I never thought of, nor knew of, at Williams - living in Melbourne (40yrs), Beijing (2yrs), Shanghai (1.5yrs) and Paris (1.5yrs) for starters. Some has been planned, like becoming a psychotherapist and organisation consultant in my 50’s. As a result of meeting Jane by chance on a smoggy July, 1970 NYC afternoon, I started learning deeply that there are other worlds than the American one(s), whence an eventual change of citizenship honouring the Melbourne home of my life.

 

Much of this life has been an exploration of different worlds, inner and outer, with a helping professions orientation which was emerging at Williams and confirmed in 5 years of HS teaching, and alternative school and commune building, in New Haven, moderated by 2 years of a Yale philosophy Masters over 1965-72. In the following 40 years I only once slipped outside the helping life to run a bank IT systems project 1989-91 – but even then it was an HR system help desk.

 

The bank was merged-over by a neighbour and I got an unexpected redundancy package jump start into consulting in 1991, which was where I meant to go next anyway. My consulting has always had an organisational focus and in intercultural flavour, with a personal development infrastructure (I started a small psychotherapy practice in tandem with consulting having gained licensing in 6 years of night school 1985-91). This combination produced my second biggest adult learning experience – partnering and coaching a Chinese partner in a start-up in Shanghai from 1998 til 2008. The third was living in Beijing in 1981-83. The fourth is a toss-up between fulltime therapist and part-time blogger for the last 5 years...taking both seriously, but not enough to step up or out a quantum jump. Aikido weapons work has been a background discipline for 10 years.

 

Jane has been accompanying me and being accompanied by me since that July afternoon in International House at Columbia Univ. The commitment to things Chinese has always been her lead. My following there has acquired its own momentum and valences, while adding my therapeutic and organisational tones to her linguistic ones. She stepped into the retiring time of life 5 years ago by launching a career-topping innovation in Chinese language teacher education, with about every complexity I can think of!

 

My first biggest learning will probably be what emerges from here on. One theme is rehabilitation of public life, which I have blogged for five years with special interest in ethics and public discourses about difficult issues – climate, science, thinking while in danger. Two mornings a week I have been a pro-choice witness to anti-abortionist harassment of patients at a local clinic for the last 3 years. It would be simpler if I could give up worrying about the world; I cannot.

 

The great unknown is resilience. I was reminded in January ’11 that I’m as prone as any to surprise attacks – that time acute pancreatitis and a year later a gangrenous gall bladder. 12 years ago a slow heart beat dropped me in a street. The beat has been picked up by a pacemaker since then. Along the way I enjoy more aspects of life than ever – many only accessible through the portals of age!

 


 

Sunday, August 3, 2014


Learner therapist (16)……What’s a good enough therapist

Torrey Orton
August 3, 2014

I set myself the goal for my CPD tasks two years ago to design a generic therapist competences framework. This is the first cut. It begins with the name – the good enough therapist – which intentionally borrows from Donald Winnicott’s ‘good enough mother’. We could do with a bit more good enough these days, and maybe I was thinking the same for therapists. My objective is to use this framework as a template for self-assessment, with elements of professional assessment added as possible – that is, as I can succeed in finding colleagues who are prepared to judge.

I have enquired around the formal psych fraternity – especially the APS and some of its associated colleges – to find so far that no one has a generic, or a context-specific, competence framework for therapists, even the CBT squad. So there is no agreed framework for evaluating anyone’s performance, apart from the “clinical psychologist” qualification standard of CBT masters and similar. Anyone with a slight degree of program evaluation experience knows that quals are only the starting place. It is therapeutic processes and outcomes that count for patients.

 And as for the processes and outcomes of therapy a few things are clear. First, the nature of the therapeutic relationship from both points of view is a major contributor to perceived therapeutic effectiveness. Second this effect stands without regard to the therapeutic system, modality, theory or fantasy which a therapist brings to the relationship. Third, therapeutic improvement can best be achieved by constant checking with patients about their continuing perceptions of effectiveness of the experience of being in therapy with one. Fourth, the generic therapist must be able to engage with any presenting patient, even if only long enough to identify that a referral to a specialist of some sort is appropriate (and have a resource of such specialists on hand).

 
Here are some competences, knowledge and skills: no special order. I am seeking all and any suggested additions to the following first. Then, I’ll entertain alteration or deletion suggestions to the items listed.


1)      Intercultural communication, which includes knowledge of relevant cultural differences affecting application of preferred treatment(s) and the capacity to negotiate the treatment process. The key test of this competence is the capacity to understand and accept that the suite of assumptions and practices which constitutes Anglo psychotherapy will not be wholly shared by cultures like Chinese, fundamentalist religious practitioners (Jewish, Christian, Moslem, Hindu….), etc. In the end this competence would be exhibited by not working with some cultures rather than assuming one can work with all which one doesn’t know enough to know they are immutably different from one’s own.

 

2)      In vivo, person to person negotiation of the therapeutic process, including review / evaluate each session with patients, without shielding oneself by a diagnostic stance presuming the therapist knows best. A test for this competence might be the holding of a patient who experiences themselves as sometimes ‘crazy’ or out of control and demonstrates that self-perception in the room.

 

3)      Knowledge of a full range of therapeutic approaches, techniques and work styles, including how these approaches integrate with each other at different times in the therapeutic engagement. E.g. – CBT, IPT, dynamic therapies, behavioural therapies, ACT, Mindfulness, etc.

 

4)      Experience being in therapy oneself, not just supervision, so the more permeable boundaries of one’s self are in view and acknowledged as such – as being in flux – and how affecting that flux is of one’s availability to patients under various personal circumstances and conditions.

 

5)      A theory of the self which is holistic, embracing at least the biopsychosociocultural paradigm’s domains, with awareness of the spiritual and economic.

 

6)      A theory of life span learning stages and the processes through which they are experienced by people, including micro learning processes and their integration into life span learning.

 

7)      A human needs construct like:

Elements of well-being (basic human needs)

*From: The Treatment of Sex Offenders: Risk Management and Good Lives.

Tony Ward, University of Melbourne, Claire A Stewart, Deakin University, 2005

 

Without specified needs we cannot decide how we are doing and what trade-offs are required to improve well-being. One approach to defining basic needs is this:

 

Needs
Wants specifications of needs
1) Life (including healthy living and functioning)
Adequate sleep, food, exercise
2) Knowledge
Knowing that…Knowing how to….knowing why…etc.
3) Excellence in play and work (including mastery experiences)
Play an instrument, a sport; Practice a profession, trade, art, hobby…
4) Excellence in agency (i.e., autonomy and self-directedness)
Cooperative activities; enlisting others in our activities
5) Inner peace (i.e., freedom from emotional turmoil and stress)
Meditation, martial arts,
6) Friendship (including intimate, romantic and family relationships)
Appropriate care, affection, connectedness….
7) Community
Authentic membership, identification, …
8) Spirituality (in the broad sense of finding meaning & purpose in life)
Relevant belief, imagery, contemplation….
9) Happiness
In my view this is not a need; it is one  outcome of well-being
10) Creativity
Opportunities to invent at whatever level or domain of life activity (also a doubtful need)

 

8)      Understanding of social systems and the individual’s place in them, especially family systems, workplace systems and social systems generally.

 

9)      Capability in leading patients through actual or virtual reconciliation cycles, including creating and sustaining the power to be heard within those systems.

 

10)   Ability to hold and contain intense feelings, with a view to building patient authenticity and authority about those feelings. Confronting high risk subjects: suicide, violence to others or self, crime, abuse and how to contain an emotional outburst of any kind.

 

11)   Ability to recognise and admit own mistakes appropriately as they happen…..be a continuing learner with specific development aims and goals.

 

12)   Understand what makes research good enough and what important emerging evidence-based research shows about good enough psychological processes. Neuropsychology presents as a must appreciate emerging field.

 

13)   Capacity to make good enough judgments in the room about:

Talking about possible need for medication

Knowing where patients are at, or up to

Managing exposure therapy at the right pace / depth

How far to pursue a patient who is loosely engaged in therapy

Appropriate self-disclosure

Quantity of therapist input required

Boundaries of contact: in the room only?

 

14)  Having workable definitions of the main therapeutic entities: person, couple, family….

 

15)  Knowing at least one therapeutic paradigm in depth and a number of others to level of workable confidence

 

16)  Supervision - peer and professional; one-to-one and group.

 

17)  Knowing when to refer and being free to do so

 

18)  Having a collegial support network

 

19)  Having had an ordeal to prove you’ve got the commitment to do therapy; mastery of personal suffering and success

 

20)  Wider life experience: jobs, vocations, volunteer work, etc.

 

21)  Having a workable theory of contemporary life: it’s challenges, rewards, distortions and distractions

Monday, July 21, 2014


Learning to act right (42)… building stereotypes from nothing
Torrey Orton
July 21, 2014

 Once more again with feeling…

Repetition is the heart of learning almost anything. Noticing that one is repeating certain experiences is the heart of capturing unconscious learning in motion. Until captured by awareness the unconscious process unfolds with certainty and produces actions assumed to be right automatically…which is what a habit does.

Repeated experiences are based on sufficient uniformity of actions, circumstances and purposes to survive generalising over time. That is, an effective habitual response requires a consistent experience base. The test of an effective habit is it works for me, and maybe others.

 Once more, the Fertility Control Clinic

So, back to the frontline at the Fertility Control Clinic. My colleague T., the regular security guard, with more than a year’s experience 6 days a week at the Clinic, has acquired an unscratchable itch about certain classes of arriving patients. The itch is their perceived resistance to him executing his security role to his standards of adequacy (which independent observers class as high).

The routine is supposed to go like this: for each arrival at the Clinic (an action sequence of about 3-5 minutes duration depending on how far down the street they come into view, repeated at unpredictable intervals about 15-18 times a morning over a 90 minute period) he walks towards them to escort them past the Catholic anti-abortionists and then up the pathway into the Clinic*. At the Clinic front door he unlocks the door and admits them to reception, turns around and leaves, closing the door (and so relocking it again). Patients usually come in pairs – a patient and her partner, family member, friend, etc. – which makes a small crowd at the door.

 Unintended injuries
 
Here’s where the stereotyping begins to be built, and then reinforced and embedded. A proportion of arrivals do not notice T. is getting out keys while walking towards the door and saying, “I’ll open the door”. They may miss his call because their English is weak, because they are apprehensive about being there in the first place, because his English is accented, because they do not know his role though he’s clearly marked as Security, and so on….with the overall consequence that he is unable to effectively, from his viewpoint, play his role correctly – to care for patients until they are safely inside!! This is seriously angering. The people he’s supposed to protect unwittingly make it difficult for him to do so to his standards of service!! A classic unintended injury.


The backwash of this injury to his professional self-regard has hardened into stereotypes, the effect of which is to raise his blood pressure well beyond appropriate levels, while not affecting his presence  and conduct to all patients. When he sees suspect patients (from his developed stereotype viewpoint) on the street horizon he’s already expecting trouble for him which he cannot, so far, prevent because the situational variables reduce everyone’s capacity to respond ‘rationally’. There are few patients, or protestors, arriving at the Clinic who are not in a heightened state of some kind.

 
There is very little room for altering the context to allow new perspectives and awareness to arise. There is no relationship with the patients other than offering a kindly reception, including obstructing their harassers (an emotion priming activity). There is no room (?) for engaging the patients about their potentially, from T’s viewpoint, injurious behaviour towards him because the relationship is too fraught with implicit intent and brevity of exposure. So, the injury is incorrigible, unmitigatable…the very stuff of hardened emotional arteries set in permanent ineffective defence for T. Micro-traumas recurring persistently. Perhaps this kind of pattern is why few Clinic security staff last very long at full exposure.

 
I have raised my perception outlined above w/ T. in various less complete forms over recent months, prompted by his slowly increasing expressions of exasperation with his least favourite types.  This is the beginning of creating a space for reflection and change, I expect.

 
*the over full richness of this sentence somewhat captures the emotion and content density of the experience it describes.

Sunday, July 13, 2014


Learner therapist (43)…… chronic childhood trauma recovery - a note for patients

Torrey Orton
July 13, 2014

The purpose of this paper is to provide a generic framework for thinking about the experience of chronic trauma and the typical processes involved in recovery. It will not replace doing work on your trauma, but it may soften the trip by making likely pathways visible and therefore easier to travel. While every individual’s injury is different, their nature is shared and recovery pathways are, too.

What is chronic childhood trauma?

Damaging behaviour (physical, psychological, social, financial, historical…) imposed repeatedly on people (children) unable to defend themselves against it. The traumatised child is therefore a victim in the normal meaning of that word. It is believed that in Australia 20 % of adults have some childhood abuse in their backgrounds. Under-reporting is the norm.

They are victims of violences of a number of kinds ranging from physical to spiritual, passing by way of social and economic on the path. What distinguishes violences as such is their being sources of personal pain, usually experienced in the gut first and later in symptoms like constricted breath, movement, and consequently in self-restraint by self-doubt, and so on. The original sources may be lost in personal memories blocked by self-numbing and addictives of various sorts. Physical assault and social/emotional deprivations are equally damaging forms of violence, with different hardened defence symptoms.

What do we know about chronic trauma?

It is caused by adults who themselves have often been victims of abuse, often multi-generationally, with clear histories of violence, alcohol and drug habits, defective intimate relationships, marital breakdown…Just the histories which you reading this may have come to therapy to deal with!

The victims blame themselves

Most childhood abuse is familial, but recent national investigations make clear its prevalence in schools and other institutions charged with care of and for children. Victims almost always feel guilty about their abuse! They feel ashamed of their abuse. They think they are (partly) responsible for their abuse. They feel dirty. They still love their abuser(s), which goes around and around in circles sustaining a partial denial of the abuse, loss of memory of the abuse, or even largely taking over responsibility for it from the perpetrators. And finally they live often in a climate of re-abuse in the social system(s) of its origin – family, school, office, church, barracks…!!

What is abused? The person or the self is abused, is injured in their heart and soul. Some therapists call it “soul murder”. The basic distortions of the self are in the Fight, Flight or Freeze response which is triggered repeatedly by the trauma and provides the basic form of patterned defence. So, you can expect to have over-developed patterns of violent (fight), avoidant (flight) or numbing (freeze) behaviours which occur automatically under stress, even if the stressors are not exact replicas of your original abuse. 

You may also have a tendency to relate with / be attracted to people who help you replay the original trauma(s) because they are familiar and within your emotional and behavioural competences. You may reject positive behaviour from people because you feel unworthy of it or confused because you do not know what it is and/or mistake it for a manipulative tool of your abuser(s)…

Recovery?

If you are expecting the original injuries, and their present expressions, will be completely expunged, they won’t. Think of a major physical trauma like losing a limb or a critical organ failure. These are facts with which one has to deal forever after. They modify capability. The various kinds of childhood abuse all distort body functions…ranging from inhibited breathing patterns to hyper-vigilance, jitteriness, defensive postures and carriage…etc.  This means our bodies carry visible messages of our abuse and that abuse can be reached through the body. Abuse also distorts social functions – our basic relationships and ways of relating. We learn to relate in ways which compromise our potentials.

That messaging can be radically reduced, but the history is the same. You were abused. Feeling you have to keep it a secret is part of the abuse, and is often made an explicit demand on you by your abuser(s).

You may have to manage multiple vulnerabilities – drugs / alcohol, eating, weight, disordered sleep, relationship instabilities (infidelities, recurrent breakdowns, social isolation, etc.). On the way to recovery there may have to be various little recoveries made. Some of these are very trying. Alcohol and other drug dependencies come to mind. While a whole suite of disordered behaviours may feel overwhelming, the work on any one of them should produce results across all of them. For example, if you are learning to manage anxieties, the process will include serious self-awareness development. That development – mindfulness – will be transferable to other parts of your life. Mindfulness is an all systems, all situations capability.


Getting your power back

Any of these pathways will involve getting your power back. Some pathways may be explicitly designed to do this, as are reconciliation processes and assertion techniques. Others may help you gain greater self-control over your responses, clarity in your understanding of your history and present, and confidence in your own intentions and needs. Along the way there are a few key challenges:

·         Disclosure - How much of your story to tell, and to who?

·         How to create your story – Write it? Draw it? Tell your story..???

·         Reframe behaviours – your currently dysfunctional behaviours (your ‘symptoms’) were adaptive when acquired as responses to abuse in childhood.

·         Practice new behaviours (which may be presently useful versions of presently unuseful ones, especially on the assertion/aggression border) – e.g. capturing anxiety early in its trajectory so that abuse can be pre-empted; expressing anger when it is still containable for you and those near you – when it is irritation or unease that piles up into rage if not acknowledged.

·         Finding and developing natural drives which enhance your sense of self – vocations which are intrinsically rewarding, and often partly developed already, even to a high degree.

 


 

Tuesday, July 8, 2014


Learner therapist (47)…… Background factors affecting family relations
Torrey Orton
July 8, 2014

Background factors affecting family relations

Understanding families and their dynamics is helped by a few ideas about people and relationships. These ideas provide handles for our experience of family life and structures which support it. The following factors must be understood as all existing in the context of the others, so they are an interacting set of factors contributing to family life. Each may have greater or lesser parts of biology, sociality, spirituality, economy and so on contained within it. The factors themselves may change from generation to generation and culture to culture. Immigrant families have the benefit and challenge of embracing multiple cultures as they become settled in new places

Gender, and sex

“..the pattern of behavior, personality traits and attitudes defining masculinity or femininity in a certain culture.”  Psychology Dictionary

 

Birth order – in a family each child has a different developmental experience with the same parents. It differs because the parents change over the term of their parenting (they learn to parent and treat their children differently) and the environment of the family changes (social, economic and other systems change)

Family roles – child, parent, sibling, friend, partner

At any time we may be all of these roles at once. That is, as a child we may also be a sibling (of other children in a family), parent of our own children, friend to our sibs and parents, and partners. These roles provide different human development functions within families, which come into play over the life span

Development stages – baby, child, adolescent, young adult, adult, ageing, aged. There is some disagreement about life stages because the boundaries between them (however they are defined) are quite porous and unpredictable. Simply, we can’t run until we can walk and so on. Life skills have a stage nature.

Life skills – may be developed, under-developed or over-developed; both over and under-development may be dysfunctional, and ‘normal’ development may be inadequate to present circumstances!!

Relationship Needs - dependence, independence, inter-dependence. Early in life, and sometimes thereafter, we are dependent on others for our survival; as we grow we seek to be independent in many practical ways.  Some of us may learn to be interdependent. In that case we negotiate the shift of our dependence and independence with our partners.

Values – fairness seems to be a universal human value (shared to some extent in our near human ape cousins); we seem to be programmed by nature to seek fairness and this may be because it is a deep foundation of group survival.

Culture of origin – all the above factors have specific and often different approved forms in different cultures. These forms reflect aspects or interpretations of the factors which follow. Culture is the gathered wisdom of a group’s approach to making a life together.