Appreciations (14) – Loyalty?

Appreciations (14) – Loyalty?

Torrey Orton

September 25, 2009

Loyal is never something I would have said about myself. It's not even a word I would have ever said in its own right at any time in my life…unless I was reporting someone else's speech or reading their writing. It is a word, even now, which I don't think I know the meaning of. It doesn't resonate, have feel or body, occupy space. It's almost a non-word: one of those I know but don't like and have banned not from memory or recognition but from acceptance and use.

I think it's a word which I don't trust; it seems almost intrinsically unworthy of anyone, though I know it is meaningful for others. My problem with it is that I always see/hear 'blind loyalty' when I hear/see 'loyalty'. This much attention to it means it does resonate, of course. That's what I'd say to a patient client doing to some other word what I'm doing to 'loyalty' here – extolling it with implicit denigration.

Visceral vocabulary
There are some other untrustworthy words for me I'm sure, but their protective covering is keeping them out of my sight at the moment. In my youth I had an aversion to simple intimate feeling language in a relatively typical boy's way for my generation. It arose in part from stereotypical gender socialisation. Then I added to it my aversion to linguistic enticements like claims of love and caring which I too often had seen used as covert manipulations, or so it seemed at the time. I distrusted their intent automatically.

Age has it rewards
My loyalty seems to be increasing with age. It was first noticed 25 years ago by others as a clear attitude of mine towards my wife. It seems I radiate a protective aura about her when I feel others are disrespecting her, especially figures with notional power and too much sense of the primacy of their needs over hers, even where there was no obvious or slight conflict between them. That instance is still definitely present. Others have to do with a small group of male friends to whom I feel connected, and persistently, though episodically, wondering about their welfare, not merely their work. There's not so much cause to radiate defensively on their behalf…probably not appropriate in anyone's masculinity??

But I doubt I really am loyal (not knowing what it is makes doubt easy to raise and hard to allay). I don't pay much attention to my siblings in their various USA places, nor to in-laws here. And I'm somewhat disrespectful of both wife and friends in various ways, but maybe that's not disloyalty, just attachment avoidance. I even get into trouble where my loyalty to someone involves attacking their organisational context. Institutions harbour mongrel twits who actively, though mostly passively as one would expect, disregard out-of-their-league contributions by their fellows to various futures they can't even imagine). It's hard to defend the leading lights without attacking the twit(s). Catch 22's latest incarnation.

Theory of loyalty?
So, I guess this is the beginning of my theory of loyalty. This is the kind of theory I have for most things I think matter. It is an account of the word, the value, the behaviour. I use them to give an account of something to others, either because it is important in a moment of my professional practice (as therapy clients will tell you, I bet) or because it is important to others but somewhat opaque to them – a mystery with attachments raising doubt instead of admiring wonder.

I can see I've got a ways to go with it. I couldn't convince anyone else what I've said is very defining of anything they might do or feel in life under the 'loyalty' title, while leaving my initial sense of its unworthiness as a sentiment and motivation mildly relieved. This is a funny position to be writing from because I can really say I don't have much of an idea about loyalty. Sometimes starting out with little more than an inkling in mind leads somewhere. In this instance the some is small and the times and where are fleeting and far. Loyalty clearly matters to others, so it warrants my further attention.

Appreciations (13) – Pacemaker pat downs please

Appreciations (13) – Pacemaker pat downs please

Torrey Orton

September 22, 2009

 

Being handled by men and women in uniforms is a regular requirement of flying. As a six year pacemaker porter I am a consistent candidate for the handy works of security characters. In fact, failure to announce my package could result in seriously unpleasant heart effects from an addled onboard computer chip. So I announce myself over and over again (my only irritation these days being the 'shoes off and put them here please sir' routine; if I've thought to wear slip-ons its fine; otherwise it's an exercise routine on back of a touching one).

Another growthful submission event

I celebrate here the persistence and variety of pat-down execution approaches I've experienced. By implication I'm also celebrating my growth in submission without recrimination or rage. These both feelings I have in other situations of much slighter invasiveness and greater repetitiveness (think "How's your day been..so far" and similar inanities of contemporary customer service).

For those of you with security consciousness, be glad of those who do the work for us. But wonder at the variety of its execution. For example, about three years ago I came home from the Kimberley via Perth. After a couple days' stay I headed for the domestic terminal to close the trip loop and found a new approach to pat-downs. Not one, but two, security guys took me off to a closed room (first time anywhere in Oz for this) and one read a prepared statement from his employer seeking absolution from any damage they might do in the consummation of their duties, in triplicate for my signature.

Then one did the deed while the other assured I wasn't violated or something…which I wouldn't have been if it had all occurred in public as usual, but then this access of PC litigation-avoidant precaution only took 20 minutes paid time for two. They were a little surprised to hear that theirs was the only airport in OZ with such a rigorous process at that time. The standard process follows in its small variety below.

The two approaches – forehand and backhand

I can't tell by looking whether the next patting will be a backhanded or forehanded one. The difference in felt effects is slight, but it signals (this is correct usage here I think) a certain delicacy in security staff self-perception of their role. I sense now that forehanded is the more competent technique - that is, the more likely to find something if there is any to be had on my person. Forehanded pats are a naturally rounded stroke which covers more thoroughly than the backhanded's gliding pass. It is also heavier almost unavoidably. On the same hand (arrgh!), the first is more invasive, more personal, too.

Close encounters of a personal kind

On the whole it seems to me that I've had more genital tickles from men than women in a ratio of .25 of male patters to nil female. This shouldn't surprise. What does surprise is that it seems the little bit of testiculation that did occur happened most in countries where matters sexual are more circumspect than our own open land(s) – Dubai comes particularly to mind. I don't know what to make of this, acknowledging that the sample I 'm working with is statistically hopeless and scientifically under-investigated – i.e. bad research design. Maybe this will make a master's thesis worth of serious customer service ethnography for someone. A few pages in a work like Richard Sennett's Respect (2003) could result.

Checking my claim – do I really have one?

Interestingly, and again with no particular gender, age or ethnicity/country differentiation, some actively check that there's a swelling where the package should be kept. I usually indicate this as part of my announcing my unsuitability for electro-screening. The indication is a pointed sweep of my right hand towards my left shoulder, often with a finger or two sharpening the aim for the other's eyes. Most security operatives decline the offer, or do not seek it. However, see next for a twist in the tale.

Which is more real?

In one very recent case in Oz, I was asked for a card which was issued 6 years ago as proof that I had in my shoulder what could be felt open or backhandedly and which I offered to display by unbuttoning my shirt three buttons so it could be exposed to the light of day. Nope, just the card thanks, which I happen to carry as a partial defence against being MRIed at any time in the future (which would produce something more like an extrusion of the package or disconnection of its heart leads a strong chance).

No one had every looked at the card before. Just offer to display of a bit of upper chest really sufficed for most patters . This time the security officer was female and I had put her fingers on the package in question, yet still, 'the card please sir'. I would have thought the touch as close to certainty as practically needed, but…maybe people doubt their senses so often these days that the second most basic one is uncredible. Or, she had just read a story about micro quantities of Semtex which could be stored in pacemakers for computer activation at predetermined time, having been installed years earlier by agents of foreign powers….etc., etc., etc. Better than shoe bombs, eh?

 

I wouldn't want to have to make a living doing such work, would you? Imagine the sample of the gen pub you would have to be up close and personal with – predominantly male I think, but not solely. And this has been fun to write, since it is conceptually straightforward and pleasantly demanding descriptively, with room for slight linguistic adventures. Enjoy, as they say.

Appreciations (12) – A model eggplant

Appreciations (12) – A model eggplant

Torrey Orton

September 14, 2009

I was overwhelmed by the completeness of this piece in honour of the promising but tasteless (in my view) aubergine…filler accompaniment to many flavours and for its capacity to soak them up and retain them in a form suitable for babies – a not quite decomposed mush. The article's take is a bit more generous than mine, though European focussed, as so often even for acknowledge Asian transplants. They failed to mention a famous traditional Chinese dish….

I commend it to your taste for short sharp revelations of wonder and delight.

"Synonymous with Mediterranean cuisine, Solanum melongena, eggplant or aubergine is an Asian export, making it to Europe about a hundred years before Columbus. An unsalted aubergine owes its bitter taste to a tiny quantity of nicotine, but remove this minor piece of nastiness and an aubergine will behave impeccably, maybe mixing best of all with garlic, tomatoes and olive oil but also making surprisingly good jam with a silken texture and fullness of flavour. Often referred to as a fruit and usually cooked as a vegetable, it is officially a berry. Some varieties are indeed small and cute enough to qualify, but others are positively Rubenesque. The sun-warmed pile of fragrant purple lusciousness down at the market has a whole host of equally good-looking family members – creamy white, palest green, pink and striped, firm and fat, long and thin like fingers, round or oval, and eventually there will surely be a square one. Preserve them in oil with garlic and chilli and then watch the purple colour of the skin slowly leach out into the creamy flesh. And then eat them. On toast, with rice or pasta, baked and stuffed, fried, roasted, pickled, pureed, sugared and spiced and turned into jam, layered with mozzarella and tomato, stewed as ratatouille or minced as pesto. They look glorious, they taste fabulous, and we should be grateful that melanzane display none of the characteristics of their antisocial relative, the deadly nightshade – except for that wonderfully decadent belladonna purple."

From The Guardian Sept 2, 2009; Comment is Free section

Appreciations (11) – Learning by saying

Appreciations (11) – Learning by saying.

Torrey Orton

September 13, 2009

Speaking truth is power. The injured often have trouble speaking their pain, anger to the powerful. Even formulating the idea that they are unjustly injured may be difficult. This can take many sessions in therapy. And, even when the truth of their experience is acknowledged to themselves, speaking it is another thing. The repression which keeps historical hurts out of sensory range is a powerfully focussed energy.

I was reminded of that power by a new patient who is not at all reticent professionally. He even acts from anger too often privately and publically. That's one reason he started therapy. In our first session he was suddenly floored by a slight insight in our closing minutes that he "couldn't speak your pain" to his mother, ever. A similar effect occurred with another male patient still living in the home where his physically and emotionally violent mother terrorised all four children (he was the third). Though physically unprepossessing now, she can still invade his world anytime she chooses, including his bedroom. He has installed deadlocks for prevention. Just thinking about her elevates his pulse and breathing rates to flight levels.

Pre-emptions
On the way to managing his social phobia (one of a number of symptoms of her enduring threat), I practiced him in pre-empting a phobia-inducing shopping event. It only involved asking the floor manager in a store to keep floor staff away until he was ready to be served. By the third time around in trialling words for the intervention, he remarked: "I feel stronger". And he sounded that way too. His starting place for the exercise had been: "I can't do this". Entering the practice process itself involved confronting a mini-phobia in our room.

I used the same process with a generational peer of more classical male Aussie temperament and non-verbal preferences. He was somewhat stunned to be in a therapist's office in the first place, but had a clear agenda of self-endorsed behaviour change and desired by his partner. This included letting her know things he was planning for them both (eg – weekend social commitments, etc). In exploring those items, we discovered that he had an assertion matter of his own relating to one behaviour of hers he found disrespectful of him. Our process experience was essentially the same as above, and with same effect. He reported a week later he had taken both steps with satisfactory effect (so far).

From motivation to motion
Pre-emption is the tool of preference for high grade anxiety reduction. If you can change your circumstances, you can change your feelings at two levels. First, the situational triggers are reduced / nullified and second, your actual capacity to control things is increased. The second recursively reduces the strength of the triggers. This is empowerment through training! Changing thinking alone won't do this because the trigger events and contexts recur, with their attendant injustices, embedded in long term social relations.

A CBT-critical interlude
Some perceived injustices are real. Even the famous CBT specialist Aaron Beck recognises this, then turns away from its implications. In his book on anger and violence – Prisoners of Hate (Harper Collins 1999) - he acknowledges "..there does not seem much likelihood for adequate alleviation of the socioeconomic conditions" which support violent anger (pg. 168). These conditions (unemployment, drugs, and continuous conflict with authorities) were among the objective forces maintaining violent street ideologies in inner city gangs 10 years ago. Parallels now are not hard to find.

Powerless to change these destructive forces visited unequally on some parts of our societies, Beck attempts to salvage the therapeutic enterprise of anger management on the big social stage by recommending parenting training for the parents of the wayward adolescents. Socio-economic structures of inequality are relatively widely recognised for their impact on individuals' and groups' potential and performance, though an endless 'debate' goes on about how much so, and what to do – nothing or a little. Have a read of Deer Hunting with Jesus by Joe Bageant (Scribe 2009) for a take on an American underclass he numbers around 35 million, better than 50% of whom are white, non-city. These are not only monstered by similar socio-economic conditions, but also by their ideological leaders who continue to pretend their failure is a consequence of the godless and communistic afflictions of other Americans.

Back to practice
Prior to the two events above, I had approached pre-emption practice as a late stage in work on disempowering anxieties (themselves arising from disempowering historical events and their present social system recurrences). So, I was surprised how effective going straight (almost) to the recuperative behaviour felt to the patients, where the thought/feeling/behaviour anchors had not been thoroughly exposed and analysed. Perhaps this is a verbal example of the famous 'change the practice to change the behaviour' prediction often claimed to have been proven by introduction of seatbelts in Victoria 35 years ago.

Once again, learning from my patient clients.

Rectifications (15) – Value add1…and value for money.

Rectifications (15) – Value add¹…and value for money.

Torrey Orton²– September 9, 2009

I remember the first time I heard this expression, rather than reading it. About 8 years ago I was sitting in a meeting of negotiation specialists. The expression is among the most self-announcing spin of them all. It proposes that the speaker will add something to the value you should normally expect of him/her, which they have been withholding from you all the time of your previous relating about whatever they offer as value to you! Consequently, it has the ring of a car salesman looking for a purchase from a naïf of country origin…second class second-hand car sales at that. As if the 'add' would make up for the missing value in the original.

I think this was my first conscious awareness of the pervasive encroachment of spinspeak on ordinary discourse. The speaker in question was a relatively new member of a professional development network. I was an elder member of that group. While I'd heard the expression before in print I'd never heard a real person say it in pursuit of a real agenda. In this case, it was a marketing natter among fellow travellers. The first shock was that the speaker in question was a thoroughly decent guy with an eye for the straight spoken and an ear for irony. How could someone speak such trash ('value add') and be sensible? It was my first exposure to the creep of cultural change upon us.

My second shock was that people actually used this language as if it referred to realities. It does, of course! Confected ones, which make things appear to be present which were always present but not visible (in their product / service offer). And there were some additions made which might be considered iterations or improvements but now could be introduced with a better frame – the value add. This is conceptualisation of the 'make a difference' genre. They depend on creating an assumption – namely, that there is now something which there wasn't before; we have advanced, moved forward, made progress and …They have that wonderful mixture of abstract and concrete which attracts attention and deflects examination.

Spread of linguistic innovation

How does this come to be the case? How do linguistic (and maybe other) innovations spread once they have arisen? It is probably a process as close to the behaviourist learning fantasy as is to be found. Repetition is key. So, early and repeat exposure of the novelty in commonly used information media is a good start. Then placement in video forms from news to TV shows to movies is helpful. Such instances provide two major opportunities: (1) to see where it should be used, the appropriate contexts; (2) to see how it should be used as a complete behaviour – sound, pace, rhythm, and visualisations face and whole of body expression; and, (3) to motivate its use by providing a positive emotional anchor in the watcher's experience repertoire.

Whateva...

The ubiquitous teenage dismissal 'whateva' comes to mind, a repeat performance in the small dramas of life that has spread across the generations as emblem of the disconnectedness of our times. Is this spread the process through which memes proliferate at somewhat slower speeds? The correct emergence of memes must depend on the development of a broad base of linguistic support, failing which they cannot have a world of new meaning to attach themselves to, grow out of, take root in – choose the development imagery of your choice.

The recent upsurge in adult use of the Homeric "Duh" or "Doh" depending on whose transcript you read of The Simpsons is a case in point with another point lurking in it. The lurker is that fashions repeat. The Homeric had a life in the late Fifties – my teendom – where it appeared as the snide remark of choice for the young's appreciation of our peers' and the generationally compromised (our parents, teachers and such) shortage of intelligence appropriate to any specific circumstance…for not being with it, hip, cool and so on, to whatever passes for the same now.

This effect over time may be another optimystical, too. My failure to see it as such now – the implicit hopefulness in the face of exemplary hopelessness and despair – may be generational or ageing related or just my lack of primary conceptual neurons from the beginning.

Notes

1
1,119,000
webhits in Australia and 119,000,000 worldwide on 310809

2 Acknowledgment of interest – I am a practicing psychotherapist with a client load around 25 per week, registered with Medicare and a half dozen private health insurers in Australia.

Rectifications (14) – Evidence-based practice…1

Rectifications (14) – Evidence-based practice…¹

Torrey Orton²– August 31, 2009

I realised this morning, after three weeks' intermittent work on this post, that I am struggling with a much longer piece which doesn't fit in this format. My issue with 'evidence-based practice' is essentially the same as that with 'the research shows' and its correlates. 'Evidence-based' is another mantra mouthful parading the subsequent substantive matters – mental and physical health in particular, but also increasingly other domains - where the government (and some commercial enterprises) want to cloak their activities in a more promising cloth than they deserve.

This is worth pointing out as another example of spin language which intends to sidetrack accountability. As the rains do not come in Victoria it will be interesting what signage goes up on the waterless north-south pipeline meant to save the government from asking people to acknowledge some things cannot be guaranteed to them by the hands of mankind. And interesting, too, what spin the greasy Minister for Waters can deploy in denial of the patently obvious.

The following argument/exploration has more to do with the limits or pretensions of real evidence-based, i.e. scientific, work. Here-in there are serious problems of evidence, and these matter to the political and social discourse we are not having. I will leave them here for those with such interests.'

"Evidence-based practice" and practice realities

"Taking account of research evidence sounds simple until you consider the volume and diversity of research evidence that exists - more than 3000 new medical articles are published every day."

A key issue in evidence-based practice is 'what do we really know?' And this issue quickly becomes, 'what can we predict?', since the purpose of evidence-based practice is to improve practice by adding tested, validated or something similar, knowledge to existing practice, or replace existing practices which do not have a validated knowledge base. In fewer words, we are now on about cause(s) of treatment effects. A background assumption is that we have adequate knowledge of the causes of mental health problems and clear conceptualisations of what these problems are. But the repeat performance of diagnostic trials by trained professionals reveals a failure rate well above what we should expect for professional judgments. How we configure the 'problem' concept tells us what to research. And now we have a problem, both in medicine and psychology.

Research has shown that the treatment method (Nathan & Gorman, 2002), the individual psychologist (Wampold, 2001), the treatment relationship (Norcross, 2002), and the patient (Bohart & Tallman, 1999) are all vital contributors to the success of psychological practice.

Pg 8 - Report of the 2005 Presidential Task Force on Evidence-Based Practice1

Ronald F. Levant, EdD, MBA, ABPP, President, American Psychological Association July 1, 2005 http://www.apa.org/practice/ebpreport.pdf

Research shows what?

We have research which cannot really describe real-time occurring events involving the four "vital contributors" listed above. For example, some decades ago someone tried to write a program for learning to ride a bicycle and gave up around page 425 with the task only 1/3 complete. This was to be the template for a correct and complete training process. Programmed learning ambled around schools in the mid-60's with similar hopes for English grammar and such things notionally reducible to bits. Therapeutic practice, on the other hand is concerned with wholes(people) and the aims and processes of repairing them. Analytic scientific processes may have those concerns but cannot produce the results. Hence, the continuing intellectual and political scrabbling between the analytic and integrative disciplines across modern life. See the arguments over the last year about sources and reasons of the GFC for examples.

An hour's psychotherapy videotaped from both participants' viewpoints and a third two-party viewpoint would be the length of Gone with the Wind, and we still wouldn't have the four views fully represented, not to say integrated. Of course the therapist and patient are integrating everything at every moment, with differing degrees of awareness. The emergence of unconscious themes into conscious play over the course of therapy is one of the most reliable signs of progress in internal integration. Exactly when and how this happens is decidedly unpredictable while also being expected and probable. One example appears below as the "fight".

The fight – a scene in 2 minutes

And this brings me to another part of the science here: what is a fact? In psychotherapy a fact may be an interchange. Here's one: I was working with a marginally bi-polar alcoholic man of 35 living expatriated from his home country. He was tired of conflicted situations at home and at work, with matters back in his home country roiling in the substrate of our now.

Some efforts to prevent such situations worked by pre-empting them, by developing workarounds and prevention measures in the relationships. Partly they couldn't work because they were themselves conflicted. His efforts were driven by a system of rules which said 'just over-perform on others' presumed performance criteria and I'll be safe from conflict'. However, the effort to do this was wearing him out. I was trying to point this out. The final straw, however, was that he felt attacked by me for being wrong in trying to maintain this admittedly self-defeating system. Therewith slipped out rules about never being wrong (yielding even greater catastrophes than being conflicted!) which clashed with acknowledging the unsustainability of his conflict pre-emption system.

I suggested at this point that we were having a little fight and he vigorously denied it. I pointed out that his denial was a little fight and he repeated the denial. We had reached the edge of the relationship terrain of acknowedgable experiences. Fight was too close to fighting to be allowed into discussion. Nor, at the time, could we explore our different meanings of 'fight' because the experienced meanings were too volatile³. Stalemate for the moment. Imagine capturing all those levels on a 3 viewpoint video?

Next session he reported having gone home to take the fight for his needs to reduce conflict to a housemate who was at the perceived heart of the problems there. He began to engage his system of denial by taking action against it and did so successfully. We did not mention our fight. No need to. But if we were investigating the process of the patient's struggle with managing fights (or perceived threats that there could be a fight about something, especially about their performance in relevant social roles), this incident of our fight would be one evidence of movement in his desired direction.

The science in this

The science here might be about perceptions of fighting as one indicator of therapeutic effectiveness increasing assertiveness. So, a research survey or interview might inquire about therapy participants' perceptions of fighting in the therapeutic relationship at any point in a session. How would the difference in therapist and patient ratings of a proposition with the word 'fight' in it be interpreted? There is no standard outside their relationship to provide grounds for an interpretation within their relationship – except a discussion between them!! The survey makers would attempt to validate the item against a broad population and comparison of items with such words in them from other validated surveys. All these moves are contaminated by the intrinsic situational variability of a particular usage plus the social approval aura the word does or does not carry in general…and so on to a nil point.

"…. It is important to know the person who has the disorder in addition to knowing the disorder the person has."

Pg 18 Report of the 2005 Presidential Task Force on Evidence-Based Practice http://www.apa.org/practice/ebpreport.pdf

Except, except…we have an instance of emergent understanding poised on the brink of a difference of felt meaning between the participants. This is normal process for therapy but not for scripted techniques (called "manualised treatments" ) with presumptive sequences which have to be maintained to achieve comparative equivalence of the 'treatment' over multiple clients with closely similar timeframes! And, if the stats show us that to X percent of reliability, people in therapeutic relationships do 'fights' roughly this or that way to this or that effect, none of them tell us what applies in the therapeutic moment which is the integration of the four "vital contributors" to effectiveness. Nor can they specify specific applicability to a specific patient, just as medicine cannot.

Another take on the science…

We are beginning to enjoy the fruits of the various revolutions in psychology and medicine – most notably of concurrent neuropsych, cognitive psych and therapeutic practices. Among these is the summary work of Carroll Izard in the latest Annual Review of Psychology (2009, pg. 1-24) unpretentiously titled "Emotion Theory and Research: Highlights, Unanswered Questions, and Emerging Issues". One of his basic principles is that "emotion and cognition, though often treated correctly as having separate features and influences…are interactive and integrated or mingled in the brain..." (pg.3). In other words, for practical purposes at least, there is no such thing as a thought without feeling (or also without embodiment, but that's a later point). A pop up implication is that we cannot clarify the mind with thought focussed processes alone. Another is that thought is not the primary instrument of consciousness, it is one of three – thought, feeling and body. This makes bit of a mess out of the CBT concept that thought controls feeling.

Diagnostics and evidence

Access to publically-funded mental health services is via the GP route, as are all specialist health services, both medical and allied health. There's an inherent contradiction, with implications for practice as we may see from the forthcoming audit of Medicare funded psychological services. It is that GP's seldom have the expertise or time to diagnose the conditions for which targeted psychological services are funded. The scientific part of the diagnostics resides in self-report instruments like the K10 and the service provision is shaped linguistically by the actual CBT requirement. I've yet to see a GP who recommends IPT, though it too is an evidence-based treatment. I imagine that many of my colleagues do not know what it is, either.

In our joint therapy practice, concern for audit processes has lead in the direction of case note-taking in the form and language of CBT, a jacket which does not often fit the body of the everyday work. Further, what it would mean to report the stages of treatment, and testable outcomes, is also a wonder. The K10 certainly will not pass muster as an evaluation tool, except of the happy sheet variety.

 

1
9,900,000
webhits 170709

2 Acknowledgment of interest – I am a practicing psychotherapist with a client load around 25 per week, registered with Medicare and a half dozen private health insurers in Australia.

3 This moment is also an example of requisite therapeutic violence, discussed here.

Appreciations (10) – Just walk on by…motives (un)fulfilled

Appreciations (10) – Just walk on by…motives (un)fulfilled.

Torrey Orton

August 26, 2009

I went out this morning at 7:15 to pull some weeds in the lawn. They are egregiously big things which shade the resilient grasses into nothingness after a month's growth. It's not like I just noticed them today. I've noticed them for a month, having decimated their tribe a few months ago with a heavy session of pulling, root and branch. The act is a wonderfully refreshing test of hand /wrist strength and a certain tenacity in the face of roots natural resistance to eradication. The branches fail easily which actually defends the roots from my efforts. Mostly I win.

For the effort, I got not only death to the weeds but also this boy's delight of dirty hands and nails needing themselves a serious brushing to return to sociability. If only I remembered this collateral effect I love I might more often grab the offenders early in their life-cycle and so eradicate rather than just interrupt their progress. There are a bunch of similar activities which I almost always like doing and enjoy the after-feel of. Among them are: aikido technique practice, cutting the grass by hand, skiing (cross country and downhill), and bushwalking with a stiff climb in it. Daily stuff like dishwashing holds a similar place in my life.

From motivation to motion

This brings me to the point of this appreciation: what a fine turn of awareness into intent it often is that brings something from the edge of possibility to the range of probability and then into an undertaken and completed task. The possibility-probability transition seems to be the longest for many highly discretionary tasks.

For instance: I can let a weed go for months, reminded more or less daily when I look out the door; the box(s) of empty wine bottles on the way to neighbour Etty for recycling move a bit more briskly. Ironing is somewhere in between the weeds and the recycled. If there's too little or too much time, I avoid with reluctant energy. Mostly, I do this by forgetting, which is irritating when I remember that I had an hour here of there over the week languishing for a utility to be fulfilled. I 'used' it on snoozes or another modest editorial foray from the world's presses.

A case of aikido interrupted

This is all a bit to do with subtleties of my motivation. For example, I decided last night I would practice my aikido technique this morning. I only do this early, before eating. I did not get there today. Here are the checkpoints along the way to the trip I did not take (this failed intention occurs about once a week, with one or two successes, too). I've counted 11 potential disconnect points along the road – always there for every trip, hence perfectly envisageable when I don't take it.

1. The alarm
   
2. Getting up
   
3. Go to bathroom
   
4. Dressing
   
5. Picking up jo and sweatband
   
6. Going out
   
7. Walking to park (3 mins)
   
8. Warm-up 90 seconds
   
9. 21 kata each repeated 5 times (25 mins)
   
10. 31 kata sequence repeated 1-3 times (3-5 mins)
    
11. Walking home (5 mins)

A feature of these potential disconnect points is that they require transitions of time, space and mind to accomplish them. Every transition contains at least the moments William Bridges (and Kurt Lewin before him with unfreeze / change / refreeze) popularised three decades ago:
Endings, Neutral Zone, New Beginnings. Each of the 11 change points in my aikido practice is a transition. Therefore, there's a big opportunity for distraction or spontaneous variation (home of insight, creation and their friends).

…building blocks of life

One of the points of aikido practice is to make excellent moves routine. This requires constant attention to perfect form, followed by the assumption that perfect form cannot be achieved; it can only be maintained with vigilance (hear an obsession coming on?). My interest here is not myself, but the exploration of the delicacies of distraction, interruption, and creation which surround the engagement with established or establishing routines – the building blocks of life.

Self in the way of action

In general, there are a number of struggle themes / patterns around these distraction opportunity points. These include the struggle with my disengaged, distant relationship style (dismissive avoidant?), my strong inclination to large picture concepts and abstraction (INTP), my do-nothing reflective/contemplative self, and my worrier approach to work performance. Recently, I've been very interruptable by ideas for writing. I often get stuck in writing an article and then I suddenly see my way into and through it at odd times. These are notably ones when I'm doing something active, but measured – bushwalking, aikido, weed pulling, etc. Gross muscle activities seem good for thinking without intending to.

All of this applies to my vocational cores as well – the various helping/thinking/creating things that are me without my choice. But, some of the maintenance tasks (keeping case notes, organising data files) around them are more discretionary than driven. Therein is one of my motivational outs. Back to walking by things like weeds. Walking by seems more likely to occur the more transitions there are in our lives. Transitions often offer a promise of change, difference, and may provide instead breakage and fragmentation of our continuities.

The virtue of trying

And herewith is one of the implications, so far, of this walk into domesticity. For me, to keep trying is critical in doing new things. Aikido and writing are the most recent additions to my daily life. Not that I do them daily, but they are in my mind, I am working them to varying degrees. So, while I often fail to get up, or to get going once up, I almost never fail to catch an idea, and will even put Aikido second for that. It's the trying that counts, as long as I am trying about something that matters.

It seems to me the common perception that goals and objectives are the way to change / improvement is largely hollow. The hollow part is where the fundamental motivation – the motivation by vocation or value(s) – is missing. It cannot be replaced by short-term goals and performances, unless these are understood as practice for the real thing.

Getting good at trying is one thing I need to learn to teach others, while keeping in my own view the vision and practice of adequate trying myself. Much of the self-focussed reverie above begins specification of the internal and external contexts which need to be identified and engaged to increase motivated change – the direction for our trying.